Monday, September 20, 2010

SENDEK Deleted Scene

I thought I'd share this section with you guys since it's no longer a part of my book. Do you remember the In the Beginning Blogfest back in April? Well, here is the rest of that scene for you. As much as I still love it, this is not the right place to start for so many reasons. Don't make me embarrass myself by listing them. We all know what they are. (Dream, dream, dream, and a bit of who cares? Well, me. But I know Talia inside and out. Someone starting here could care less. Not the first pages you want to send a prospective agent). It's just over 1000 words.

Death lurked in the shadows, and I knew it searched for me. Reaching out, I felt the damp roughness of sandstone as bits of earth flaked off. Blinking did not make the darkness lighter. Water lapped softly against the wall and my skirt with each step; the gentle sound fading into the darkness. My heart pounded uncomfortably, and my breathing echoed around me. I clenched my fingers into a fist, willing my hands to stop shaking.

A dim glow appeared in the distance revealing the tunnel around me. I searched for somewhere to hide as the water around my bare legs rippled. The rough walls offered no safety, but I pressed myself against one wall and hoped the shadows would be enough to save me this time.

Two men stumbled into view. They wore black robes that clung to their legs as they waded through the water. The older of the two gasped for breath as he leaned his bulk against the wall. His meaty hands waved the other man away from him, and turned to stare down the tunnel in the direction they had come.

The cold seeped into my blouse, making my chest ache. Shivering, I waited for them to discover me. Seconds passed with only the sound of the men's ragged breathing. Then death finally made its appearance. My heart rattled to a stop as three huge creatures walked out of the shadows. They made no sound, moving like ghosts through my nightmare. They walked on two legs, but they were not human. The creatures stood between seven to eight feet tall with elongated faces, traced with ridgelines. Eyes glowed yellow-green and a muscular thickness lined the shoulders and up the neck. Their skin had a peculiar opalescent sheen to it making it hard for me to decide the color in the weak lighting.

I recognized my death approaching, but could do nothing to save myself. Every particle of my being ached to run, but I maintained my control. Slowly I inched down the tunnel, clinging to the wall as I went. Maybe I could save myself this time. I never took my eyes off the creatures, dividing my attention between each move I made and the drama playing out a few feet away from me.

“Why do you run? You know there is no escape.” One creature spoke to the men in a low smooth voice causing me to pause entranced by the sound. I had never heard them speak before. The deeply accented voice had a timbre that resonated to my very core, pouring over me, lulling me into a sense of security. However, just underneath the peaceful sound lay another quality that grated on my nerves. Fighting the urge to run, I inched away again.

One creature pointed a staff-like pole at the two men and fired a laser. The hallway glowed with the light and I watched their agonizing deaths, each second burned into my memory. There was the flash of surprise as their skin caught fire and melted off their bones. In the next second, their bones crumbled to ash and fluttered slowly down to a watery grave. I turned away as their ashes floated past me. How many times would I have to watch this kind of thing?

“Now we will take care of our other problem.”

My head snapped up in time to see the red light rushing towards me.


Air rushed into my lungs as I gasped and flung my arms up. Stupid, as if I could stop a laser with my arms. My heart raced and I found it hard to breathe as I let my arms fall back to my side. It felt as if someone sat on my chest and holding their hands over my mouth and nose. My eyes fluttered as I tried to force them open, to make sure I was safe in my room. The nightmare had once again disturbed my sleep.

My body slowly began to recognize the mattress beneath me, and the soft warmth of the blanket above me. When I succeeded in getting my eyes opened, I stared at the ceiling and tried to catch my breath. Every muscle in my body was tensed and cramping from the adrenaline that coursed through my body.

Arms and legs felt like lead, but they were beginning to twitch as they started to relax. I could feel the feverish heat draining off into the air, leaving only sticky cold perspiration. As my body took on that heavy, weak feeling, my toes and fingers began to tingle and the shivering that I could never control began. It was nothing new. Every dream completely wasted my body. I knew that eventually I would regain control of my muscles, so I closed my eyes again and gave in to the shaking weakness that began my recovery. 

Tears started to gather behind my eyes, so I closed them tighter. Crying would not solve my problem. The dream has been a part of my life since I was a little girl, and I had come to accept that I’ll never be free from it until the creatures kill me. I took a few moments to indulge in the fear and loneliness before beginning my calming exercises.

I took a deep breath in through my nose and out of my mouth, until my heartbeat slowed and my adrenaline level returned to normal. The shaking lessened and my body continued to cool as the sweat dried in the breeze that came through my bedroom window. I focused on the curtains fluttering in the breeze. I wished to be so light and free that I could dance through the air like the thin fabric.

After ten minutes, I began to feel human again and regained control my arms and legs. I slowly sat up and turned on the light beside my bed. It was time for the final step in my dream therapy. Opening the table drawer, I pulled out a thick notebook and turned toward the back. When I found the end of my writing, I carefully wrote the date, time, and recorded every gory detail.


  1. Charity, you deleted that scene? Wow, it was great! Thanks for posting. =)

  2. Yeah, sad isn't it Carolyn? I couldn't fit it in anywhere else. The other dream sequences fit so well where they are. I like them all. Oh, well.

    Fun story, or creepy, I'm not sure which. Anyway, this dream is actually the dream that I had that started this whole novel idea. Well, part of it anyway. I woke up in a cold sweat and definitely did not get back to sleep. You should see my sad attempt at drawing the creatures. I'm so NOT an artist in that way.

  3. Ooo, want to edit that above comment. There are some clunky sentences. LOL, time for bed so I can think more succinctly tomorrow.

  4. Sometimes we have to cut stuff even though we like it. The beginning is particularly hard in this respect.



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