Please be as critical as possible. The greatest weakness that I know I have is the personalization of the letter. I sound corny or just stupid in most of them. Any advice will be great! Thanks in advance. Oh, I should mention this received a form rejection, and in my defense I was trying to be honest.
Updated based on comments. Red is new, deleted is
Dear Caitlin Blasdell,
You’re a hard cookie to research. In the end,I chose to query you for your earlier work with Kevin J Andersen and William Shatner. I’ve read some of their books and thoroughly enjoyed them. As a fellow lover of science fiction and fantasy, I hope you will enjoy my mix of the two. SENDEK is a complete science fantasy novel of approximately 83,000 words.
If the military discovered someone capable of healing herself, every scientist on the planet would want a piece of her.
Astronomer Talia Shannon hides her magical
giftsabilities out of fear of becoming the national science project. She can glean energy from the sunsriseSendek's binary suns to heal herself and others, communicate with trees, and is clairvoyant. receive visions of the future. Unfortunately, her prophetic nightmares point to an approaching invasion. How can she warn the military without exposing her secrets? She has spent her life searching for the scientific proof needed to warn and protect her planet.
After thousands of years in exile, the Dragumen, a human dragon hybrid created in Sendek’s past, have returned to claim the planet as their own. They
stealstole technology from the worlds they destroyed on the journey home, and perfect inged their military prowess. Now smarter and stronger, they plan to wipe out the humans on Sendek.
Talia must learn to trust the magic
coursing throughin her veinsand the handsome Commander Landry if she wants to survive the invasion. Talia's blood lines lead back to the mage who created the Dragumen, giving her the power to destroy them if only she can learn how. When science fails to protect her way of life, magic becomes the only hope.
The complete manuscript is available at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.