tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post2924462134107655250..comments2023-09-17T07:46:57.550-05:00Comments on Charity's Writing Journey: Murder Scene BlogfestCharity Bradfordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-4210641604643945692010-04-12T15:18:08.418-05:002010-04-12T15:18:08.418-05:00Yup, I agree with everyone else (good grief, I'...Yup, I agree with everyone else (good grief, I'm a broken record today) but I like the second scene. It pulled me in and I loved the imagery.<br /><br />And yes, I'm definitely jealous of the lush greenery in the pic! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-45484350770994065482010-04-11T13:52:06.080-05:002010-04-11T13:52:06.080-05:00Thank you everyone! I think Jai and Tara nailed it...Thank you everyone! I think Jai and Tara nailed it. The first scene is a lot more telling than show. Tara said it felt like a first draft with a run down of what needs to happen, and looking back at it I agree. <br /><br />I'm glad everyone like both, and find it very interesting that my first draft scene (the second one) turned out to be the favorite. I think the writing is better because I really was in that characters head, or she was in mine. Hmmm, lol. <br /><br />To answer a question that came up once or twice above--the relationship between the killer and victim is--me, myself, and I. Writers have multiple personalities and two of mine have been at war for a while. ;) The winner gets control of this body for the next bit of time.<br /><br />If I haven't made it to your blog, I'm trying! I have a back log of blogs to read and I'm working my way through. I should show up by the end of Monday at the latest.Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-33074723111886573432010-04-10T22:37:39.901-05:002010-04-10T22:37:39.901-05:00I too like the second scene better and think it...I too like the second scene better and think it's because I felt like I got into the protaganist's head. A connection was established. Your first scene is a lot more action and less connection...it could be the POV though?EJ Fechendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05300369395930503020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-25629551012388429302010-04-10T21:07:06.229-05:002010-04-10T21:07:06.229-05:00You can get away with predictable if you do it wel...You can get away with predictable if you do it well enough, y'know. I thought the first scene worked quite well, actually, and if I knew more of the context I might like it even better.<br /><br />The second is cool because of the possession twist. Plus, I love, love, love Virginia Woolf.<br /><br />Nicely done, good lady!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-56649840959248018822010-04-10T21:03:14.197-05:002010-04-10T21:03:14.197-05:00Yep, loved the second one! I wanted to know the re...Yep, loved the second one! I wanted to know the relationship between them, and got a giggle out of your hubby's comment - mad3e perfect sense!<br /><br />The first is good stuff, but it reads (as my 1st drafts always do) as the author telling themself what needs to go there - does that make sense? There's a lot of tell which brings down what could be great tension in tht piece. I think it will be great once you tweak it!Tarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09008153523366719973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-79789118083140974422010-04-10T19:15:02.603-05:002010-04-10T19:15:02.603-05:00Hate to follow the crowd, but my vote goes to the ...Hate to follow the crowd, but my vote goes to the second scene, too. Totally sucked me in. Great description, vivid imagery, great writing! Terrific job, although a bit creepy. :)VR Barkowskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04927993233682731113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-52879557392732140302010-04-10T19:06:29.893-05:002010-04-10T19:06:29.893-05:00Second scene - crystal clear writing, so much dept...Second scene - crystal clear writing, so much depth.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15459671422564355990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-28692223544734173682010-04-10T14:26:23.983-05:002010-04-10T14:26:23.983-05:00I loved the second scene, but the line about the b...I loved the second scene, but the line about the birds fleeing the trees after the shot in the first scene was very vivid. Great job.Raquel Byrneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12870113745683162915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-67432258481891792432010-04-10T13:52:29.408-05:002010-04-10T13:52:29.408-05:00You're very welcome and I love what you've...You're very welcome and I love what you've done with the first scene! I may be a little biased though ;~)<br /><br />The second scene immediately grabbed my attention. I especially liked the last line. Very creepy :~)Mia Haysonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01041441666482084762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-80602896349389584982010-04-10T13:40:53.359-05:002010-04-10T13:40:53.359-05:00Second is much better. I am predicting that no one...Second is much better. I am predicting that no one was actually killed, but that the person killed was you having to put the writer away to acomplish your responsibilities as a mother (grocery list)--the person murdered and the murderer are both the same person. A little Jeckyl and Hyde :) I obviously like the second better--don't feel like I have seen that before. A little creepy tht the photos are of our back porch--just checked and did not see any blood out there--that is a good thing :) Can you add some MooseTrack ice cream to that grocery list :)--Hubby!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-56001166438974257772010-04-10T13:03:42.853-05:002010-04-10T13:03:42.853-05:00This was so cool. I really like that you posted tw...This was so cool. I really like that you posted two scenes - it was fun to contrast them! Great work!Anne Rileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15142671531881407934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-90131962064906643192010-04-10T12:35:07.746-05:002010-04-10T12:35:07.746-05:00I only looked at the second scene (because it was ...I only looked at the second scene (because it was shorter).<br />Actually don't have much to critique (which is strange for me) but the last paragraph was a but confusing. I understand that something happened...some kind of transfer, but why did she have to kill the person to do it? Also, what happened to her body after that? And what was special about this day that explains why she didn't do this a long time ago?<br />Also don't know the relationship between the characters...mother/daughter? Sisters? <br />And of course I want to know what she was writing...<br />Other than that I like the style and the POV.Andrew Rosenberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09215333688753781447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-56802363247179910542010-04-10T11:35:26.494-05:002010-04-10T11:35:26.494-05:00The first one was not predictable! I figured Sean ...The first one was not predictable! I figured Sean would kill him not her! But as far as impact was concerned, yes the second scene won hands down. Great job!Anastasia V. Pergakishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03350626962513824401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-54506535534730503642010-04-10T11:23:18.623-05:002010-04-10T11:23:18.623-05:00I think I liked the second scene better! Maybe jus...I think I liked the second scene better! Maybe just because it was so direct? The first scene ending I really hadn't expected at all, though, nothing predictable about it for me!Amalia Dillinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13005039978668326144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-68377276672991246332010-04-10T11:01:48.472-05:002010-04-10T11:01:48.472-05:00I, too, enjoyed your 2nd scene a bit better. Still...I, too, enjoyed your 2nd scene a bit better. Still, the suspense in the first one was excellent. You have a great talent in dialogue, description, and pacing. That last one is the real clincher.<br /><br />Come check out my entry :<br />http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/.<br />Thanks, RolandRoland D. Yeomanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00338410857990551352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-24687621793972769302010-04-10T09:23:04.654-05:002010-04-10T09:23:04.654-05:00I really like the second scene best. Very descript...I really like the second scene best. Very descriptive and it really dragged me into it. Good job with the blogfest. :)sarahjayne smythehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02589820347348973092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-64620760364147313452010-04-10T09:16:37.426-05:002010-04-10T09:16:37.426-05:00I must be the only one not participating today...I must be the only one not participating today...Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-4218032250199566312010-04-10T09:12:00.065-05:002010-04-10T09:12:00.065-05:00Your second scene was awesome!!! Lots of sensory d...Your second scene was awesome!!! Lots of sensory details and emotion. It provoked a lot of questions-- What had she done? Who was the murder? -- and that's a very good thing!Denise Grover Swankhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08089120954470675439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-48226957052260051792010-04-10T01:50:53.856-05:002010-04-10T01:50:53.856-05:00Owwww! the second scene is my favourite. I felt th...Owwww! the second scene is my favourite. I felt that there was a lot of telling and not showing in the first scene. But the second murder scene was all about showing and the intensity was much higher as a result.<br /><br />JaiJai Joshihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858987106548357551noreply@blogger.com