tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post4406081955139893829..comments2023-09-17T07:46:57.550-05:00Comments on Charity's Writing Journey: I Need Your Help Query Time!Charity Bradfordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-49304365081620673202014-03-15T20:10:16.657-05:002014-03-15T20:10:16.657-05:00I think Revision 2 is a big improvement over the p...I think Revision 2 is a big improvement over the previous two. Also, nothing confused me so I think your worry about the missing background information is unwarranted. :)<br /><br />Does your daughter blog as well?Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-71018025915539069662014-03-04T09:58:33.056-06:002014-03-04T09:58:33.056-06:00I totally agree on the voice. Any suggestion how t...I totally agree on the voice. Any suggestion how to do that. My head is still stuck on the fact this book is written in two distinct voices, Caedan and Ryanne. We flip back and forth between the two. I guess I need to put myself back in Caedan's head for the query, but I feel so bad leaving Ryanne out of it. This is a good reason for not writing in multiple POVs. LOL.<br /><br />I'll keep thinking on it and try to zero in on Caedan's voice again. As for plot points, the rival comes in for the last third of the book, so pretty close to the 7th point. He comes it right about the time Ryanne is ready to give in to Caedan. :)Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-69609281657489982622014-03-03T22:00:41.093-06:002014-03-03T22:00:41.093-06:00Revision 2 is better. Especially the first line go...Revision 2 is better. Especially the first line got better. When I looked at it the first thingI thought was that it's too long. It's not. I copied it and pasted into word and it's the right length. (It's technically one word too long but that's fine. Although, you still might try to trim some). When I teach query classes I teach to break your novel into plot points and use the 6th and 7th plot points to create stakes. But I think you have a pretty good handle on plot in this. You might be able to bring more urgency to the stakes. What I recommend tweaking is voice. Match the tone of your book as closely as possible. And these are picky things, but they might help you stand out.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09962862566388212238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-80331868312492696392014-03-03T19:12:32.060-06:002014-03-03T19:12:32.060-06:00Revision 2 looks pretty good. The third paragraph ...Revision 2 looks pretty good. The third paragraph still needs something--a bit of a trim, perhaps?Liz A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16531953467834426316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-10538867423283249992014-03-03T10:27:15.425-06:002014-03-03T10:27:15.425-06:00Excellent questions Robin! Here's the answer a...Excellent questions Robin! Here's the answer and now I need to figure out how to get this into the query I suppose.<br /><br />The laws of the Reparation (which occurs every 1000 years) simply say the heir to the throne must marry a human to remind them of their purpose--help the humans evolve to the point they are like the Abhithians. Caedan doesn't believe this will ever be possible. That's why he doesn't care so much about finding someone receptive to magic, he's just pouting that he has to marry a human and not get to search for his anamchara. Lucky for him his soul mate is a human, and lucky for his people she's more than any of them could hope for. <br /><br />I'm wondering if I can just leave out the part about her past. It affects who she is, but I don't go into great detail about it.<br /><br />Thanks for the help! I'll see what tweaking I can figure out for Caedan's paragraph.Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-53467353046131445982014-03-03T10:13:05.792-06:002014-03-03T10:13:05.792-06:00I don't think the date rape point needs to be ...I don't think the date rape point needs to be in the query.<br /><br />I have questions about what you've written. The second paragraph says that "f he's lucky she'll be able to see and use the magic of the earth so his people will be free to ascend to their home world once more." Does that mean he needs to find a human girl who can see the magic? Will his people not be able to ascend if she cannot see the magic? This question is further confused by the next sentence. "Any girl will do according to the laws of reparation, but Caedan would like to find his soul mate." Or will any girl do? One who can see the magic or one who can't? It sounds like it is irrelevant to Caeden whether she can see the magic or she can't since his goal is to find his "soulmate." <br /><br />In the second sentence if you want to allude to her tortured past, that last sentence (the question) would be where I'd do it. Something like... She feels connected to Caeden, but will fear, caused by events from her painful past, rule her choice?... or something like that. It need tweaking.<br /><br />Once the magic issue is established in the second paragraph, the rest will flow easier. It seems like in the fourth one that seeing the magic is necessary (and any girl will not do) because the people are relieved that she can see it.<br /><br />I like the ending with the major conflict. Good stuff.<br /><br />I think this is closer to ready than you think. It just requires a little tweaking.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-26992155676689791672014-03-03T08:09:07.789-06:002014-03-03T08:09:07.789-06:00Might need a little tightening if you want to work...Might need a little tightening if you want to work that point in. Otherwise, it reads great. I have heard the first line should always introduce the main character though.<br />Ice and snow might hit us tonight. What is up with this weather?<br />And always smart to preschedule those Challenge posts.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com