tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post5481577234916915053..comments2023-09-17T07:46:57.550-05:00Comments on Charity's Writing Journey: Pitch Help PleaseCharity Bradfordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-34479967547482222482012-01-16T08:47:06.153-06:002012-01-16T08:47:06.153-06:00Should have read ALL the comments :-P I'll com...Should have read ALL the comments :-P I'll come back when you have the revision posted ^_^Loralie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07134452749240292803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-48232485029290221072012-01-16T08:45:57.078-06:002012-01-16T08:45:57.078-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.Loralie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07134452749240292803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-37384080031096680712012-01-14T12:03:25.990-06:002012-01-14T12:03:25.990-06:00Thanks everyone for your comments. I'm heading...Thanks everyone for your comments. I'm heading to the chopping/editing board again and will post an updated version on Monday. <br /><br />Is anyone else giving this a try this month?Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-58008094110525707362012-01-14T10:23:33.279-06:002012-01-14T10:23:33.279-06:00Check out agentqueryconnect.com. They helped me a ...Check out agentqueryconnect.com. They helped me a lot with my pitch. I agree with Michael and Carol about picking one aspect. That said, I followed your plot and kept track of characters and world names which is no easy task when pitching sci fi, so KUDOS! <br /><br />General advice: stick to what happens in first 30 pages (plot-wise), tell only the unique things about your book (your twist on generic elements), and keep the names to 2 or 3 at the most, leave out that it's the first in a series (book deals dictate that).<br /><br />Good luck!Sarah Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15935254177533426841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-82351170407694171622012-01-14T08:14:56.737-06:002012-01-14T08:14:56.737-06:00i'm sending you am email... excited for you! i...i'm sending you am email... excited for you! i thought about trying this too...Tara Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07587802105993889515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-55633517668251007132012-01-13T18:52:00.809-06:002012-01-13T18:52:00.809-06:00I like Michael's suggestion. I suggest you sim...I like Michael's suggestion. I suggest you simply implement parts of the first paragraph into the rest of your pitch instead of putting it all at once.Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-45046834592151513842012-01-13T18:42:44.436-06:002012-01-13T18:42:44.436-06:00My stab:
The planet Sendek has a rich magical her...My stab:<br /><br />The planet Sendek has a rich magical heritage long since forgotten in favor of scientific thought. One Sendekian (or whatever the word is, lol) Talia Shannon is torn between the two. She dreams of an upcoming invasion and knows it will soon come true. Caught between her job at the Space Exploration Foundation and her magical nature, she struggles to warn her people without revealing her source of information. <br /><br />As nephew to the King, Landry Sutton protects his family from a radical group determined to depose the monarchy. He thinks Talia works for them until a touch sizzles between them, and they discover they can communicate telepathically. Landry has magical secrets of his own.<br /><br />Talia is the key to their destruction—if she can learn to trust the magic coursing through her veins as science cannot save them, and magic is now their only hope.<br /><br />I know I cut a lot of details so this might not be of any help at all. I just so used to tighter pitches. 300 words is a lot for a pitch! Anyhow, my interest is definitely piqued!Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-27414950224034453442012-01-13T12:19:36.644-06:002012-01-13T12:19:36.644-06:00I've probably got the wrong idea in my head bu...I've probably got the wrong idea in my head but I've always been told a pitch was meant to be rather short.<br /><br />But sense you've got 300 words, I'd say that you've got the right idea, but I also agree that the world building at the beginning my seem more info-dump-like. Perhaps beginning with something that directly starts with Talia like the line Michael pointed out. It focuses immediately on the main character and the conflict in which she's been trapped or sucked into.Angela Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03324366495151363782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-43740378089357718242012-01-13T10:14:56.604-06:002012-01-13T10:14:56.604-06:00I was thinking the same as Michael. I think the pi...I was thinking the same as Michael. I think the pitch needs to focus on the character of the story--fascinating though the world-building is. Especially the first sentence or 2 should be really hooky, to make "them" read further. Start there, with a sentence that has intriguing info but not one that crams EVERY detail in. :) Good luck!!!Carol Riggshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14092209912983783974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-14503910222725326032012-01-13T10:01:40.939-06:002012-01-13T10:01:40.939-06:00I'm no expert on pitches.
That being said, I ...I'm no expert on pitches.<br /><br />That being said, I think you're trying to do too much. Your pitch starts off with world-building. So are you trying to sell your world? Then it moves on to Talia which is who the story is about, right? So why not lead with Talia and unveil your world-building through Talia's eyes?<br /><br />This line... "As a direct descendant of the mage who created the Draguman, Talia is the key to their destruction—if she can learn to trust the magic coursing through her veins," should be the one you start this pitch with in my opinion. It's powerful and tells us right away what's going on.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-68500865294197514952012-01-13T07:31:04.527-06:002012-01-13T07:31:04.527-06:00Matthew at the QQQE would know more about pitches ...Matthew at the QQQE would know more about pitches than I. This one might need just a little tightening.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7762622439282650752.post-46579008404150754612012-01-13T06:29:55.068-06:002012-01-13T06:29:55.068-06:00I know nothing about pitches, since I've never...I know nothing about pitches, since I've never written one, but I'm intrigued by the story and inticed to read it. I hope that's a good sign.Miranda Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17880449368013410349noreply@blogger.com