Query Letter--Sendek

I've been working on my Query letter this week. Here is my first draft. I think it is a bit too long, but it will give you an idea of what my story is about. I will be posting this on the Nathan Bransford Forums to get feedback. I'll post the replies on here as I get them and share the experience with you.

Dear Mr. _________,

In a world that has chosen science over magic, one woman must learn to understand her unique talents and find the answer to her prophetic dreams to save herself and her world.

Talia Shannon is intelligent and professional, and hiding a secret that will change the course of her planet. In addition to some distinctive talents, she has dreamed of an invasion and her death since the day she was born. These dreams are the driving force behind her work for the Space Exploration Foundation (SEF). Talia receives a new assignment to travel to the city Joharadin and work with the Royalist, the military monarchy in control of the government. From the very beginning Commander Landry Sutton throws her off balance. He angers her in a way that no one else ever has with his superior persona. The Commander accuses her of being a traitor to the kingdom and a spy for one of the rebellious factions. Talia is forced to defend herself and still keep her real secret from being exposed.

Commander Sutton’s arm brushes Talia’s during a visit in which he confronts Talia about her past. This small touch establishes a connection allowing them to feel each others emotions and hear each other’s thoughts. After a short game of mental cat and mouse to learn each other’s secrets, Commander Sutton leaves Talia wondering what will happen to her. Before either can decide on the appropriate action, they are thrown into each other’s company after surviving a sabotaged tram. As more secrets are revealed, they must learn to trust one another in order to survive the challenges ahead.

The planet Sendek has chosen to follow the path of science, but its ancient history was filled with mage and dragons. They have chosen to forget this past, but the magic is still present, waiting just under the surface to reassert itself. Talia Shannon and Commander Sutton both have Mage blood and gifts they keep hidden. Both will have to learn to accept and use these skills in order to save their planet from the return of the Draguman—a human-dragon hybrid created thousands of years earlier on Sendek and then sent into exile on a distant planet by the last dragons.

Adventure and romance within a world faced with returning to a realm of magic after centuries of scientific growth, Sendek is an 85,000 word Fantasy novel, written in first person from Talia’s point of view and third person. The continuing story is in outline form and the complete history of the Draguman is in the draft stage.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Charity Bradford