Revised Query

Using the suggestions below, here is my revised query letter.

Dear Mr. _________,

The planet Sendek has chosen to follow the path of science, but its ancient history was filled with mage and dragons. Although they have chosen to forget this past, the magic is still present, waiting just under the surface to reassert itself.

Talia Shannon and Commander Sutton both have Mage blood and gifts they keep hidden until they meet each other. Talia Shannon has dreamed of an alien invasion since the day she was born. In these dreams she is hunted because of her ability to glean power from the sun and communicate with the trees. Commander Sutton has always been able to sense the emotions of those around him, but even he is not aware of all the gifts he possesses. From the moment they meet, Commander Sutton throws Talia off balance. He accuses her of being a traitor and a spy for the rebellious faction called the Dragnot.

The Dragnot have made contact with the aliens of Talia’s dreams, the Draguman—a human-dragon hybrid created by mage thousands of years earlier on Sendek. After being exiled from Sendek, the Draguman spent centuries trying to return to exact revenge on the human species of Sendek. Now that they have returned, Talia and the Commander must learn to trust each other and embrace their gifts in order to fight these magical creatures.

Sendek is an 85,000 word Science Fantasy novel, written in first person from Talia’s point of view and third person. The continuing story is in outline form and the complete history of the Draguman is in the draft stage.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,