What a crazy emotional day. First, I'm a person who likes schedules. I struggle with sudden changes of plan, which makes the fact that I'm a panster all that more freakish. But we'll get to that later.
Things did not go as planned from the moment I woke up this morning. And it didn't get any better. It was raining, unseasonably warm, and I felt like my hubby was picking on me. So I picked a fight. Sorry hubby. He was right, I was wrong, but I needed time to reach that point.
Anyway, I was already in a downer mood, and I thought reading blogs would cheer me up. It usually does. I'm browsing my google reader and someone got the call. You know, the call. The moment I read it I was truly happy for her. I don't know Kate very well, not like I pretend I know some of you. In fact it was one of those "who is this?" moments. (Sorry Kate!) But I was still happy that someone's dreams were coming true. And then I found myself crying. Sobbing like crazy.
Whoa! What's wrong with me? In that moment of exhaustion, an avalanche of doubt and frustration buried me. I couldn't even imagine that happening to me. Not in that moment.
Then I slapped myself and sucked it up. Wallowing in self-pity is the fastest way to kill your dreams. It WILL happen some day. I just have to be patient and keep working forward every day. But why did this hit me so hard?
Usually, I'm patient. I know this road to publication will take years. So why fall apart today? Well, there was the rejection of some flash fiction today, and the fight with hubby. Mostly I think it's the stress of jumping from one frying pan to the next without any recovery time.
The problem? Wednesday the 1st is also the start of four days of whorl wind activity for the Community Nativity Festival. I'll spend most of the day decorating the church and setting up nativities before going to the party. Then I'll spend most of TH, F and Saturday at the church. Luckily, I'm not in charge. Whew! But it will be busy as I help my daughter in the kid's craft room. I'll do all of this while getting up at 4:40 am each day to teach the class at church. I'm thinking I need to just camp out at church since it is a 20 mile round trip and I'll be going 2-3 times a day each day. Shoot me now!
If you are of the praying sort, pray that I'll come out the other end of this week with my sanity in tact. If I can find the time, I'll post something Friday. Maybe pictures of the festival?
And, if you're in the Charlotte, NC area, come visit with me at the Festival. You can find all the information about it Here.
Lesson to be learned:
You can't do it all, no matter how much you may want to.
Oh, and we never got to the pantser comment. Another day perhaps...
Charity, what an honest, wonderful post. Pride is the vice I've been trying to work on for the past month or so, and every time I think I'm making a little headway, something reminds me how far I still have to go. It's so hard not to compare, either from the top looking down or the bottom looking up.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your Community Nativity Festival. It sounds like a wonderful event.
Oh. My. Goodness. I think you need to go to bed early tonight. :) That stress is a sneaky little bugger. You never know when it'll hit.
ReplyDeleteI'm familiar with those ups & down days, love the ups hate the downs.
ReplyDeletemy friend... You are an amazing woman and I look to you for example of following dreams constantly. Big loves here and when I see you this week.
ReplyDelete*HUGS*
ReplyDeleteCharity! I totally hope you find some time to relax soon. I understand what you mean even though my recent stress is different and I'm sure I do so much less than you.
*HUGS AGAIN*
I totally <3 all of you! Thank you for your support. Your words of encouragement had me in tears again! Do you think I'm hormonal? Wait, I'm a girl, of course I'm hormonal...
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, you guys are what make the blogging world so wonderful!
You're not trying to cram a job into all of that as well, are you?
ReplyDeleteCharity, a lot of it is timing! And that sucks when you wish the time was NOW, but that does mean there IS a time. Soon. So don't give up!
We all have those tough days, don't feel too bad. Take a few deep breaths, relax, and jump back in. You're right, it will happen. Take heart when you hear someone sold a book or got an agent because that means agents are still looking and editors are still buying.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you, and you must know that because of prayers you will be alright and do not stress! Tada! I just love that.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are/were down. It happens. Being patient is one of the hardest parts but there's a reason you must and in know/doing that you know you will succeed! Okay okay, enough of that.
Have a better week! You will kick butt!
Downdays are hard. Sadness is a cloud - it glints with other people's silver linings ;) I agree with you, a positive outlook is a great foundation. Good luck with your festival.
ReplyDelete"Never give up. Never surrender!" - Galaxy Quest
ReplyDeleteWrite1Sub1
Charity, we all haves where everything seems like it's going wrong. And it's ok to cry a bit about it too. As long as when you get done crying you wash your face and breath and give yourself a pep talk.
ReplyDeleteBig hug.
Oh yes, and congratulations on finishing Nano! Well done!
Jai
Charity, like I told you yesterday, you act as if you are superwoman. I honestly do not know how you find time to do it all. You are an amazing person!
ReplyDeleteWhen I get stressed or tired I am the same way.
Congrats on finishing Nano!
Jennifer
Hi Charity,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first visit to your blog (thanks for your critique on the AC today) and I'm liking what I'm reading. I understand how you feel (I think many of us do). I think it's great that you're able to recognize and be honest about how you feel.
Hang in there - it always gets better. :)
Shannon
Oh Charity! Don't cry! All of us have dreams of being published and making it in this industry. And it WILL happen for you, I know it. I know it's hard to wait for your time, when you see others making it and all that.
ReplyDeleteWhat I do when I feel depressed that I'm not published yet, is read old first drafts of my novels. It really shows me how far I have come! I have learned SO much in the last few years from networking and meeting other writers (like you) who have taught me so many things on how to improve my writing, and how to keep going when I feel like I can't. So, I say get out those 'awful' first drafts and remember how far you've come already! And there is still so much to learn!
And, through it all, you have your friends and other writing buddies right here with you. We love ya no matter what - so definitely don't forget that!
Well, it's Friday and I'm just now reading this post.
ReplyDeleteI feel for your hubby. Sometimes you gotta fight to make up. I tell my wife that all women should be on medication from birth. ;)
Hope you made it through the week. I'm sure you did. Hope the Nativity Scene came out right. I'm sure it did.
As for getting published, only focus on the things you can control: Writing. Reviewing. Submitting. Following up.
You can't force it. I have company with my brother that I'm impatient about. I can't control that success, though. I can only do those things on my side, and hope and wait for people to bite.
It's that old Serenity Prayer thing, the one that starts out with, God, please help quiet the voices...
- Eric
Charity, from the writing of yours that I've seen here, I know you're a great writer. Things will happen for you. I've got my fingers and toes and ankles and wrists and elbows and knees crossed, and then I've crossed my elbows over my knees, and in this horribly yoga-like pretzel state I'm sending good vibes your way (I think my direct line for praying got disconnected at some point). Good luck with all your busy-ness over the next few days. I hope the TGIO party went well, and that you church functions this weekend are fun and fulfilling.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
I'm with Milo...Never give up, never surrender...but I'd add, never say yes to everything. ;)
ReplyDeleteI bet everything will turn out real nice!