Wednesday, March 30, 2011

3-line Pitch Update

Ok, I haven't been in my house for the last two days, but yesterday I sat at the dentist office for an hour. While I was there, I wrote three 3-line pitches. None of them are great...yet, but I think having something to work with is a great start.

Here they are in the order that I wrote them. Which one do you like better? Are there lines you like in one but not the others?

1. Talia Shannon wants to live through the invasion prophesied in her nightmares. If she can find a way to do that, she may just save her whole planet. Unfortunately, the dreams are her only clues and her scientific peers would never believe her claim to magical powers.

2. Talia Shannon doesn't want to die, but her prophetic nightmares don't give her much hope. she has spent her life searching the stars for a way to prepare for and survive a coming invasion. Her scientific peers don't understand her drive, but they don't believe in magic either.

3. Scientist Talia Shannon wants to survive the invasion prophesied by her dream and keep her magical nature secret. Unfortunately, a commander in the Royalist army is wasting her time with his accusations of treason. Little do they know that the survival of their world will depend on their working together.

Revised options from comments:
4. Talia Shannon doesn't want to die, but her prophetic nightmares don't give her much hope. She's spent her life searching the stars to warn her planet of a coming invasion. Unfortunately, the dreams are her only proof and her scientific peers would never believe her claim to magical powers.

5. Talia Shannon doesn't want to die, but her prophetic nightmares don't give her much hope. When a commander in the Royalist army accuses her of treason, she must defend herself and prevent him from discovering her biggest secret. Little do they know that the survival of their world depends on their combined magical powers.

6. Scientist Talia Shannon hopes to survive the invasion prophesied by her dream while keeping her magical nature secret. When a commander in the Royalist army accuses her of treason, she must defend herself and prevent him from discovering her biggest secret. Little do they know that the survival of their world depends on their combined magical powers.

...and a new thought:

7. Talia Shannon doesn't want to die, but her prophetic nightmares don't give her much hope. She doesn't think things can get any worse than moving to the city from her dreams (inciting incident), but a commander in the Royalist army accuses her of treason. In order to survive the coming invasion she must first convince him of her innocence while keeping her magical nature secret.



How are your pitches coming along? Remember, if you want any advice from other readers, feel free to post them in the comments of this post, or the original post.