Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Is Today Wednesday? And an Excerpt of FIM

What happened? I just realized it was Wednesday and I didn't post anything. So sorry!

This morning I slept in and then lazed around. I call it the  "I just finished a book slump". It takes me a while to shift gears and get into a different story. Talia's waiting patiently but I'd rather she knocked me up the side of my head. :)

Fade Into Me has gone through 4 or 5 revisions over the last three weeks. I don't know if I've ever worked so hard and fast on something. It was a wonderful feeling, but now I'm drained. In a good way though. But I'm scared of letting too many days go by before getting back to work on something.

Maybe tomorrow.

Today I want to share with you Ryanne's first scene. This is chapter two and I don't really like the first sentence. Suggestions?


Excerpt

My insides twisted tighter than the strands of my auburn hair my sister braided. "Tomorrow is going to be horrible. Not only is she stealing my best friend, but she has to steal high school graduation too. This is a new low, even for Jessie."

My sister forced a laugh. "In a year or two it won't even matter. You don’t have to go if you don’t want too."

"Yes I do. He’s depending on me."

Heather harrumphed. "Stop making such a big deal over Kevin."

She wrapped the ponytail holder around the end of the braid, pulling a little harder than she needed to.

"I know you don’t trust him anymore, but he’s still my best friend."

"You can do better, and this is the perfect time to let him walk out of your life for good." Her fingers traced a line of scar tissue through my shirt.

You know what they say about looks that kill. Luckily, Heather had built up a tolerance to my poisonous glares. I took the brush from her and set it on the dresser at Prince Charming's feet. I no longer believed in what the faded plush doll represented, but I couldn't throw him away.

“He didn’t do it.”

I hated the way it hurt her. The never knowing for sure, but I’d never admit that Kevin knew more about my scars than she did. My silence protected him, because even though it wasn’t his fault, he would be dragged into it. I couldn’t let one drunken mistake ruin his football career.

"Whatever, Ry.” Heather turned her back to me. “Will you be on the bus?"

"No, I close tonight, so I’ll catch the ten-thirty."

Heather paused in the door. "I got a letter from Dad. No money this month. Think you could pick up an extra shift or two?"

I pinned my name tag on my shirt and gritted my teeth. "Sure. What are we going to do this fall?"

"We'll figure it out. Any news on those scholarships?"

"Nope."

"It'll be fine. We've managed the last three years on our own. We can get through a few more." She waited but I didn’t ask. I had promised myself I never would. “Ry? He’s in Alaska.”

“Guess he couldn’t get much further away without leaving the country.” The words slipped out in spite of my gritted teeth, but Heather had already disappeared down the hall.


3 comments:

  1. Sorry, no suggestions. Just wanted to pop in and say I'll judge the Drabble entries when I get a moment. That'll either be tomorrow or Saturday. Depending if I get called to work tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't like it either. Maybe I'll check the sentence again tonight and try to come up with an alternative. The excerpt was good though, it got my attention. Days fly by fast.

    ReplyDelete

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