- Broke up a chapter full of backstory (It's important stuff, but I saved it to sprinkle it in at a moment when it will actually cause more tension between Ryanne and Caedan.)
- Found and cleaned up several "telling" phrases
- Cleaned up a few personality slip ups
- Fell in love with the story all over again
The colors of the garden danced in the sunlight—shades of red, white, yellow and green jumped from plant to plant, mingling, changing. They wrapped themselves around the sound of buzzing insects and the humming of bird wings. This is what I missed the most when living among the humans—this symbiosis of sight and sound. The collective magical ignorance of the human race compelled the colors to remain motionless. Here they played like joyful children.
Thunder ripped the sky open. The first drops fell lazily—big fat ones that normally would have made me giddy with joy. But not when wearing my most expensive dress. The lazy rain was followed by the shower. It only took three seconds for me to be soaked.
Ever since this human girl walked into my arms, I had been off balance. None of those emotions could be explained by her appearance. She was pretty, but not beautiful. Average in a way, and yet from the moment I saw her I wanted her. Needed her.
His eyes were so deep. Bottomless pools of concern. He hadn't bargained on me being damaged goods. Even if I wanted this life, I would never fit in. Not with these beautiful, perfect people and their swirling colors.
“Then let her go. Losing her memory might be the best thing for you. You've messed this up so bad you need a fresh start if you’re to have any hope." Mother laughed and continued. "I'm surprised she hasn't decked you yet."
"What are you talking about?" I sunk down, head in my hands. Why did women have to be so confusing?
I crumbled at her feet and lay my head on the couch. It smelled like old French fries and dust.
“Ryanne, I know you don’t care for me the way I do about you, but can we start all over?” He looked up at me so intently my stomach fluttered.
He cares about me? Still? I felt lighter than I had in days. Maybe he would stick around. But what if he didn’t? My inner demons snarled and clawed until the butterflies had been shredded.
I skipped a huge section between #6 and 7 because the bits I love are entire scenes, but these 7 come from the first 160 pages. Just because I love them doesn't mean you can't offer critique. Tell me what you think--good or bad!