Wednesday, July 9, 2014

#wipfire for Fade Into Me

This week I've been combing through FIM. There have been more form rejections AND more requests to read pages. My goal with this current revision/edit is to take the feedback from the few agents who offered some (as well as my excellent writer's group) and clean it up my manuscript even more.
This Weeks Accomplishments:

  • Broke up a chapter full of backstory (It's important stuff, but I saved it to sprinkle it in at a moment when it will actually cause more tension between Ryanne and Caedan.) 
  • Found and cleaned up several "telling" phrases
  • Cleaned up a few personality slip ups
  • Fell in love with the story all over again
Here are a few of my favorite lines from the novel. #Wipfire on twitter is a neat place to share a line or two you love or get feedback. That's where this idea comes from. Some of them are a bit more than a line. ;)

1
The colors of the garden danced in the sunlight—shades of red, white, yellow and green jumped from plant to plant, mingling, changing. They wrapped themselves around the sound of buzzing insects and the humming of bird wings. This is what I missed the most when living among the humans—this symbiosis of sight and sound. The collective magical ignorance of the human race compelled the colors to remain motionless. Here they played like joyful children.

2
Thunder ripped the sky open. The first drops fell lazily—big fat ones that normally would have made me giddy with joy. But not when wearing my most expensive dress. The lazy rain was followed by the shower. It only took three seconds for me to be soaked.

3
Ever since this human girl walked into my arms, I had been off balance. None of those emotions could be explained by her appearance. She was pretty, but not beautiful. Average in a way, and yet from the moment I saw her I wanted her. Needed her.

4
His eyes were so deep. Bottomless pools of concern. He hadn't bargained on me being damaged goods. Even if I wanted this life, I would never fit in. Not with these beautiful, perfect people and their swirling colors.

5
“Then let her go. Losing her memory might be the best thing for you. You've messed this up so bad you need a fresh start if you’re to have any hope." Mother laughed and continued. "I'm surprised she hasn't decked you yet."
"What are you talking about?" I sunk down, head in my hands. Why did women have to be so confusing?

6
I crumbled at her feet and lay my head on the couch. It smelled like old French fries and dust.

7
“Ryanne, I know you don’t care for me the way I do about you, but can we start all over?” He looked up at me so intently my stomach fluttered.
He cares about me? Still? I felt lighter than I had in days. Maybe he would stick around. But what if he didn’t? My inner demons snarled and clawed until the butterflies had been shredded.

I skipped a huge section between #6 and 7 because the bits I love are entire scenes, but these 7 come from the first 160 pages. Just because I love them doesn't mean you can't offer critique. Tell me what you think--good or bad!



10 comments:

  1. I can relate to number three.
    Glad you've got some great feedback. Keep revising and making it perfect!

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    1. I believe it! Your wife is so lucky. Does she get to see all these nice things you say about her?

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  2. It's awesome falling in love with your story again. =D

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  3. Falling in love with a story is the best part. Loved all the excerpts!

    Ellie Garratt

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    1. I know, right? It helps me keep working on it.

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  4. Hi Charity, your prose is so lyrical. I can just visualize the colours of the garden dancing in the sunlight. Love the excerpts. Now I am eager to read the book.

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    1. Thanks Rachna! I'm working hard to get it out there so you can. :)

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  5. Falling in love with your story all over again. Priceless.

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  6. Great work on all those excerpts Charity. Poetic, but not contrite use of language. Some of it reminded me of our great British classic writers.
    I haven't been around much recently I'm afraid because I've been on holiday, followed by the final editing of my own latest novel.
    I'll be trying to keep up with you more in the future. By the way, the new Doctor Who series starts here in the UK in August. The new man is a fellow Scotsman, a superb actor; Peter Capaldi. I think he is going to make a wonderful 'Doctor' and it looks like his first leading lady will be a return for young Jenna-Louise Coleman.

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