Think you can handle some more rough draft? I'm trying not to pay too close attention to these as I post them, but...It seems my characters can't stay mad at each other. They just fall into natural joking and teasing. I'll have to work on that because I know arguments don't pass this easily in my house. Granted I'm not a newlywed anymore either.
The only other thing you need to know is that space travel taught Talia and Landry something about their magic early on. Turns out magic is tied to the suns, not necessarily their planet, and when they left their solar system the magic disappeared.
Excerpt
“Talia?” Landry stood in the doorway to their room where she had been hiding for the last hour.
“Are we finally going to talk this out?” She patted the bed beside her.
“We probably should.” Landry stepped in and the door slid closed behind him, “You’re getting paler and thinner every day.”
“What?” Her eyes widened.
“Your health is deteriorating fast. We need to do something about it.”
Talia slid her legs out from under the sheet and to the floor. They were skinnier than ever before, her knees like swollen knot holes on saplings. She shook her head and walked to the food replicator they had installed in their room. As she ordered a protein drink she sent a thought wave in her husband’s direction. That’s not what I thought we were going to discuss.
When he didn’t answer she turned back to him. “That’s not what I wanted to talk about.”
Landry sighed, “I know, but let’s tackle one thing at a time. Your health is the most important right now.”
“Okay then, what do you propose we do?”
“We start training your body the old fashioned way.”
“What do you mean?”
“Think about it. The loss of magic hasn’t affected me physically in the same way it did you.”
“It's just more noticeable in me because I siphoned energy constantly. I'm not even sure if I did it consciously most of the time.”
“Exactly. I trained my body to work without the aid of magical energy flowing through me. That’s what we need to do for you.” He reached for her hand. "All you need is to challenge yourself physically. Lucky for you, troop training is one of my many talents."
“Let’s get started then. I’m tired of feeling so drained.” Talia squeezed his hand for a moment and then took her agonizingly slow steps to the door.
Gibbs nodded at them from a weight machine in the fitness room. He stood on a metal plate, knees slightly bent and arms raised above his head. His palms rested lightly on another plate.
“I’ve got another set and I’ll be out of your way.” He took a deep breath and then pushed through his legs and arms. The plates reacted to his strength and pushed back with matching force, providing a balanced isometric exercise for his upper and lower body.
Talia watched for a moment and dreaded whatever Landry had planned for her. "This is going to fix me?"
"I'll whip you into shape before we reach Orek."
"I thought you liked my shape." She whispered in his direction.
Landry chuckled but didn't answer.
Gibbs relaxed, grabbed his towel and headed for the door. “Don’t be too hard on her, Sutton.”
Landry waited for the door to slide closed before stepping closer to Talia, "Seduction attempts will only earn you an extra mile, Mrs. Sutton. At least until seventeen hundred hours. After that, it'll get you anything you want."
"Yes Sir, Colonel, Sir." She spit out in perfect private speak.
“I’ve missed this you know.”
“Getting to torture trainees?” Talia followed him to a terrain simulator.
“No, joking with you. Feeling relaxed around you.”
Talia reached up and touched his face. “Me too. Do you think it’s just because we don’t know how to talk to each other without telepathy?”
“Maybe. Let’s promise to try and talk about things.”
“That I can do. Why don’t we start now?” Talia smiled up at him.
“Oh no you don’t. You’re not getting off that easy.” He turned and started the machine.
A smooth surface appeared beneath Talia’s feet. The simulation was a city street, and Landry set a slow speed for her. She smirked when her body settled into the easy rhythm.
"Is this all you've got Colonel, because I can think of a more strenuous work out."
Landry punched in a new sequence and the ground changed to a sandy beach. Talia reached out to grip the safety bar as her gait altered to accommodate the new situation. Her legs flexed with each push against the surface and sweat broke out on her forehead.
"Not till you've finished today's training session." Landry leaned against the bulkhead and settled in to enjoy the view.
I wish arguments ended that easily in my house.
ReplyDelete*sigh* me too. Maybe we just need to jump straight to the flirting and forget what we were angry about?
Deletewow, that reads a bit weird. I mean I'd like more flirting with my hubby. Not Alex. :D
DeleteNice improvememt over the draft I read earlier this summer. ... And you know why I love gym scenes.
ReplyDelete:) They still get over their squabbles way too fast, but I hate arguing. Flirting is much more fun. And yes, I know how you feel about gyms.
DeleteIf you want them to argue more you could cut out Talia teasing that she thought he liked her shape and have her make a comment about what's so great about his. I had three deaths and two near deaths just six chapters into my Nano YA so I understand the need for changes. I just think that's too scary for the kind of Fantasy YA I'm writing. Like how this draft is going Charity.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great idea Sheena-kay, thanks! It sounds like you've had some frustrations to work out this month. LOL, I hope 3 deaths and 2 close calls helped. Maybe this turns out to not be YA?
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