POV--point of view. How do we keep it straight and how do we make it work for us? That's the topic for today. You all know the difference between First, Second and Third (limited and omniscience) points of view--if not check out the links below. I want to talk about character point of view (or whose eyes you are behind while looking at the world) because this is where I slip up. There are different ways to slip.
|found on google images|
Talon listened intently while studying the map of the tram rail line. He turned now to Ruin and played the part he was expected to play. “I understand perfectly. What will be the reward for my sacrifice?”Oops, how can Talon know that? Maybe there are physical clues that make him think that, but that isn't what I wrote. This kind of slip can be hard to catch because it's not obvious that you head hopped, but it is easy to fix when you catch it.
Ruin smiled again, this time with a little more respect for the daredevil in front of him.
Ruin paused and Talon felt a wave of approval roll over him. (this works because Talon is an empath)
“There is…” Selvan blinked and Talon cursed himself. The spell dissolved and he was too exhausted to reestablish the connection. A groan escaped as he called on the demon for strength, but it laughed at him as it retreated to the back of his mind. His only option was to release Selvan and return to his seat.I moved from Talon's point of view to Selvan's. Although Talon knows that Selvan will be confused as he comes out of the mind control spell, this is a head hop. I opted to show the confusion instead of stating it.
“I’m sorry. What were we talking about?” Selvan tried to hide the confusion that clouded his mind.
“The Saran Bridge master.”
Selvan’s brows drew together and he shook his head for a moment before frowning at Talon. “I’m sorry. What were we talking about?”
I watched Debra push the spilled noodles into the trashcan, her long hair covering her pretty face as she bent over.Two things here.
1. Would he call her by her name in his head? NO, he'd think mom.
2. Do kids notice details about their mom? Maybe, but this reads a bit creepy to me. Creepy doesn't mean POV change, but I've seen this in several stories and it pulls me out and makes me say, "Wow, that was really creepy." Please don't do this. If your MC is a kid, don't use his eyes to tell me his mom is attractive. Sorry, didn't mean to get sidetracked like that...
What other ways have you noticed that we head hop or slip POV?
Other Links on this Topic:
Kay Dacus Making POV Work for You
Suite 101: Head Hopping: What it is and Why to Avoid it
Author's Den Top 10 Mistakes New Fiction Writers Make #4 Check out the other mistakes too.
Writing World Headhopping, Authorial Intrusion and Shocked Expressions
Flogging the Quill An Executive editor's take on head hopping
Heather McCorkle Demystifying Point of View
Elaine AM Smith asks What's Your Point of View?
VR Barkowski There's More to POV than Meets the I is an excellent look at how writing from the opposite sex's point of view can get tricky.