Wednesday, February 3, 2016

February 2016 IWSG The Crazy Coaster

Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!

Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer - aim for a dozen new people each time. Be sure to link to this page and display the badge in your post.

By the end of January I felt really good about myself, my family life, and my writing. I only accepted two substitute jobs and focused on getting back into a good mental place myself. There were still struggles (as there always will be) with my teenagers. It made for a long month of ups and downs.
However, I buckled down and finished the first round of line edits for SEARCH FOR KNOWLEDGE. It was brutal! I basically sent a rough draft quality manuscript to my editor and we had to kill lots of repetitious words--felt, something, looked, was, went, got, know, only, just, and a couple others.

My insecurities had diminished and life looked good.

Then bad news hit us.
Jan 28th--the woman who planned to buy our house (and has been renting it since November) learned her ex-husband had destroyed her credit since the divorce in October. There's no way she's getting a loan to close in February.

Hubby and I spent hours talking about our options. We had given her a cut on rent because she was going to buy the house. That meant her rent didn't cover our mortgage, much less the management fees and any repairs she requested. Which she had done a lot of! We wanted to be fair and kind to her, but we needed to take care of our family too. The best plan was to ask her to pay the full rent so we were no longer paying for her to live there. If she agreed to that, we wouldn't re-list the house for sale giving her time to raise her credit and buy the house.

Jan 29th--she refuses to pay the higher rent and will move out at the end of February. Now I'm terrified she'll do something to the house in the next month. I know that's stupid, but my imagination tells me she's angry with us and thinks we are cruel for kicking her out. However, she doesn't know us. She doesn't know that while she was living in my beautiful, fully loaded home, I was living without a complete kitchen or floors in half my house. Now that she can't buy, I will have to pay two mortgages again, and the chance of completing our renovations are pushed back again.

January 30th and 31st--I didn't want to get out of bed, but by the end of the weekend I had resigned myself to substitute teaching every day and destroying the hard earned peace of mind I'd gained in January. Sort of. Not really, but I'm trying! I also got notes back from my editor to go through one more round of edits.

My biggest fear is that I'll never finish these edits. The second book will never be released and even if it is, I'll never finish writing the 3rd and 4th books in the series. Life if trying its hardest to keep me away from my dreams. I seriously want to hide in bed all day rather than fail or get knocked down again.
Good thing I re-watched GALAXY QUEST recently.
So, I subbed yesterday and I'm subbing today. Tomorrow I'll do my rounds to visit you and edit more on SFK. Hopefully this will be the last set of edits before moving on to getting cover art and a release date. I'll keep you posted!

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented last month. Your good thoughts and support have really helped me keep moving forward. I'm continuing to take the steps necessary to enjoy my life and keep writing. I just wish it was easier! :)