Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Evolution of First Lines

I just saw that Rachel Harrie started her Second Crusade! I'm going to get in on it this go around. This is where she builds a list of writers so we can get together to build friendships and platforms. Check it out!

Next, don't forget to sign up for the Hone Your Skills Blogfest in the right sidebar---> Remember the submission part is OPTIONAL, so don't let that scare you away. Please advertise for us so we can have lots of people in the running for the $20 Amazon gift card.

There are several blogfests going on this week that deal with first lines. (Sorry I don't have links!) I've seen them as I've read through my google reader and wished I had caught it early enough.

Since I didn't, I'm going to have my own version of the first line fun. Here is the first line of my novel Sendek. Look how many times it has changed over the last two years.
Two or Three first lines starting with Talia's point of view. Two in 3rd person, one in 1st--Missing (stored on an external hard drive, but the cord is lost. I need to get a new one...)
Then I switched to starting with Jaron, because the scene took place 300 years earlier (sort of a trick prologue without calling it a prologue):

July 2009--The street was nearly deserted.

October 5th, 2009--Jaron set the candle on a small shelf that had been carved into the cave wall.

December 15th, 2009--As Jaron pushed open the door, he felt a rush of fetid air enfold him.

Then I went back to Talia, because, you know the book IS about her, and you should always start a novel with your MC.

February 15th, 2010--My heavy lidded eyes opened slowly. (OMGoodness! I can't believe this. Kiss of death first sentence if there ever was one.)

June 2010--Death lurked in the shadows, and I knew it searched for me.

December 5th, 2010--Today would be my last drinking of the suns for a while.

January 28th 2011--The last of Sendek’s three moons set an hour ago, but I didn’t need their light.

Today--By the time I turned seven, I knew the dreams foretold my future.

Well, what is your honest opinion? Do any of them pull you in more than the others?
I think I'm moving in the right direction, but I don't like the "I turned seven" part of the current one. My MC is in her mid to late 20's and I'm afraid mentioning age seven will throw people off.