ABNA Results and Feedback

Congratulations to a few friends who made it to the quarter final rounds:

Theresa Milstein

Hart Johnson

Roland Yeomans

Sharon Bayliss

I did not make it, but it was a relief just knowing one way or the other. After seeing the list I continued to wait for my reviews. When they finally posted I was quite pleased with them. In fact, I thought I'd share them with you.

This is a great model for a critique summary. Remember the sandwich method? You start with something positive, give some helpful and specific things to work on, and then end with something positive. It's also short enough to not be overwhelming.

Things that made me *squee* are marked in Blue.
Things I found particularly helpful to watch for in future writing are marked in Red.

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

The situation and central characters are quickly and clearly presented, creating a sense of urgency and a narrative "hook" that makes the reader want to find out more. The prologue is just what prologues of this type should be: a short glimpse of an event whose connection to the main story is a mystery the reader can wonder about, and (hopefully) eventually be satisfied by. Talia, troubled but determined, becomes sympathetic right away, which draws the reader in. 

There's quite a lot going on in this relatively short opening section, and that's a good thing, and there are also mysteries remaining for the reader to learn more about, which is even better. The elements of science fiction and fantasy are introduced at appropriate intervals so that they feel natural rather than overwhelming the casual reader, and add to the interest in what's going on and what this fictional universe is like. The prose, accessible and fast-paced, further encourages intense reading: it's spare but almost never choppy, which is a difficult balance to strike. If the rest of the book is this involving, I could see reading it in a single, page-turning sitting.

What aspect needs the most work?

The excerpt is very fast-paced, which is mostly a good thing. However, it's so fast-paced and lacking in vivid detail that it doesn't draw the reader in emotionally/viscerally as much as it might. I found myself reading solely for the plot, and while that's nothing to sneeze at, a richer enjoyment is always better. The trick with a book like this is to add a few effective descriptions without losing the pace.

When Jaron is inhaling the demon, for example, the writer might add a couple sentences about ~how~ the burning in nose, throat, and lungs feels-- does it compare to any more ordinary pain (or other sensation) the reader might be familiar with? When it says "he was drowning," how specifically does it compare to drowning? A reader can imagine a few different ways it might be like that, and the more exact the comparison is, the more the reader feels it instead of just reading it.

Talia's nightmare is another important scene that might be improved a bit. She is terrified by these dreams, and for the reader to empathize with that terror the description has to be powerful. If these are prophetic dreams, they can have more sensory detail-- touch, smell, even taste-- than real ones. The Scalies/Draguman are especially important-- if they evoke dread in Talia they should in the reader too, and at the moment they just feel like big lizard-men. Focusing on features that make them imposing or disturbing could correct that, and make this engaging excerpt even more so.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

The excerpt does exactly what an excerpt should do: it makes me curious about what's going to happen next. I got caught up in reading it and was disappointed when I realized I had come to the last page. That pleasure makes up for some limitations when it comes to how real and immediate the experience is. Many science fiction and fantasy readers want to feel transported to a very different place, and it's possible to do that while still keeping those elements "light" for readers who don't know the genre. I think the excerpt works pretty well as it stands; a little work on making the descriptions more intense could push it from good to very good.
____________
 
See, a good and helpful critique can make even rejection feel like a good thing.


And finally, some artwork! My friend Chris brought me another head shot of the dragon. I love the soulful and sad look in the eyes.

Up to no good...

Or more like incapable of working/focusing on anything.

I have a short story coming out in the March issue of Apollo's Lyre but no idea when it will come out. I check the site 20 times a day so I can link to it.

Tomorrow they announce the quarter-finalist for ABNA. I am an emotional wreck and I'm not really sure what I hope for.

1. If I'm cut I can move forward with something else exciting. You don't get anything else on that until its official. ;)

2. What a confidence booster it would be to make the top 250 out of the original 5000 entries!

3. If I make it I have to suffer through another long month of waiting where I can barely concentrate on anything.

4. If I make it I know that I'll give in to the "what if I could really win this" trap. We all know how that usually ends up. Only 1 out of 5000 entries will win. The odds are NOT in my favor.

I think I'm going to throw up. Why do we do these things to ourselves? Maybe I need to leave my house--yes. I'll go buy the steam cleaner and lysol spray to help with the new puppy and potty training regime.

Oh, yeah. My sweet hubby did a complete 360 on Friday and we now have a puppy. He went from "we are never getting another dog" on Wednesday, to "C needs a real puppy instead of all those stuffed ones", to buying one on Friday.

Crazy.

Isn't he sweet? Both of them? Anyway, since the puppy looks like an ewok in the face we wanted a name to go along with that, but we couldn't think of any names other than Wicket. So we named him Chewey.

When I asked hubby why he changed his mind he said, "Well, I knew you really wanted one."

Isn't that just the sweetest thing ever? I never make a big deal about it but he still knew how much I've missed our dog from four years ago.

Doing the Snoopy Dance

Okay, here's the long version of my happy news. It starts with some of this.

Disappointment. Noon rolled around. Arrows flew over at Cupid's Literary Connection, but none landed on SENDEK. My biggest question as always was WHY? These contests are great opportunities, but only if you "win". It can be frustrating when you don't know why you're not getting bites.

Is it because the idea is bad? Or the writing just not there? Or simply that your story doesn't fit into an easily labeled shelf? My other thought, after reading the entries being picked, was that 1. not YA, and 2. I'm just out to tell a story--not make a statement or change the world.

Anyway, I wandered around my house for twenty minutes telling myself it was okay. Then I saw the tweet that the ABNA list was out. 

"Well," I said, "let's get all the dissapointment over at once."

I took my kindle upstairs and pulled up the ABNA list of second round entrants for General fiction. Scrolling down the list I came to a Bradford. It wasn't me. I almost closed the page and then I realized it was alphabetical by first name, not last. I scrolled down one more page, and...

I made it past the first round!!! 

I have to admit I cried just a bit. Chances are nothing will come of it, but it's an improvement over last year. It gave me just enough hope to keep me going. Now I have to wait another month to see if I make it past another round. So, a little more patience please.

Did you enter? Did you make it?

Here are a few of the names I noticed:
Jessica Bell--GF (general fiction)
Michael Di Gesu--YA
Theressa Milstein--YA
Roland Yeomans--YA
Hart Johnson--YA
Misty Waters--GF
Johanna Garth--YA
Karen Hoover--YA

Birth of a Novel February 20th

Sorry, no pics today. I'm still computerless. :( So, I'm keeping this post short and sweet:

• The part arrived. It's been tested and it works. He just has to put the computer back together and hand it to me. ????
• Even computerless, I'm filling pages and pages in a notebook. My goal was to add another 10,000 words to Faerie Wings by the end of February. I think I'm well on my way to reaching that.
• Carter is surprising me with the silly little flaws he has. This is a good thing because he's becoming more real to me.
• My February goals for Write1Sub1 have been flushed. Sort of. I did get one written and sent to my CP. The computer died right after that. Revisions have not been made and I don't have anything else ready to submit.
• I'm a basket of nerves right now. Bidding on the Cupid Blind Speed Dating starts in an hour and a half. I'm entry #41. Only the undercover agents can make comments, so if you visit, come back here to let me know what you think. What if no one bids on SENDEK? I can't help but get my hopes up.
• Thursday is the day that the first round of ABNA ends and those going forward are announced. I actually had a conversation with hubby asking what I should do if I won ABNA and got an offer from an agent. See, no matter how hard I try not to set myself up for crushing blows of failure I can't help it!
• Small publisher X has had my full MS for about 3 weeks. I sent it the day BEFORE the computer died.

I feel like something is going to happen this week. But what will it be? And will I be crushed when nothing happens?

#DaysITsucksTObeAwriter

Stubborness and Determination--No Difference in My Mind

Thank you to everyone who chimed in with thoughts and advice on my pitch on Friday. Since I spent all of last week going through SENDEK one more time in preparation for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, I'm skipping the Birth of a Novel post this week. I WILL get back to the new stuff by next week, I promise.

Today I'm going to share the thought process I went through after reading your remarks over the weekend. These are the things I stressed over before focuings on what you said and incorporated the things I agreed with. ;)

Here are the pitfalls that I fall into when I work on a Pitch or Query.

Yes, sometimes I'm quite a child. I used (read still do on occasion) to play this game.

1. Since this contest gives me 300 words, it was easy to get wordy. That is a lot for a pitch.

2. Previous queries without the world building elicited a lot of "so what" questions because the history of the planet directly affects the story line.

3. No setting also made people read it as strictly fantasy. I do believe it is more fantasy than science fiction, but I still can't wrap my brain around where to draw the line on labeling this novel.

4. The previous pitch is what got me all the positive responses from the conference I attended. When I didn't world build the agent or publisher was confused, but with the world building they were grounded.

5. The Draguman pose their own problem. One agent made a big deal about not leaving them as a vague antagonist. I believe her exact words were "An alien can be anything. It doesn't tell me much." The whole question was what makes them different than everyone else? The biggest difference is that the Sendekians (you guessed right Nicole) think they are aliens as in from another planet, but in truth they are from Sendek and even share certain DNA markers. Try fitting that into a query or pitch. It sucks. I know I need to drop it, but it feels SO important to me. :(

Sometimes this whole business is a joke. The rules say don't do it, but when I did, I got a better response. Confusing? No not at all.

After stressing over what I felt was important, I finally said, "Heck with it. Just write something." Anyway, here's the new pitch (187 words):

Talia Shannon is trapped between two worlds. Although comfortable within the logic of science, her hidden magical side is growing more insistent. She fears her prophetic dreams of invasion by an alien race will soon come true. Although the planet Sendek had a rich magical heritage, the people forgot it when they embraced scientific thought. This makes Talia's task harder. She needs to prove life exists beyond their planet before anyone will believe her. Her work leaves no time for personal relationships, but Major Sutton isn’t looking for a friend.

As nephew to the King, the Major protects his family from a radical group determined to depose the monarchy. He thinks Talia works for them until a touch sizzles between them. Suddenly they can communicate telepathically, proving the Major has magical secrets of his own.

Together they must uncover the secrets of Sendek's past if they hope to survive the invasion. Talia is the key—if she can learn to trust the magic coursing through her veins. Her precious science cannot save them, and magic is now the only hope.

SENDEK is a blend of fantasy and science fiction.

Better? To compare to the original, click HERE. 

Pitch Help Please

January 23rd is the day. Yep. That's the first day you can submit manuscripts for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. I entered last year and didn't make it past the first round, but that's not going to stop me from entering again this year.

However, I thought a little feedback from you might be helpful. Here's what I need to have prepared in order to submit:

(1) the complete version of your manuscript ("Manuscript"); check (almost finished with the seek and destroy mission for the word "felt")
(2) up to the first 5,000 words, but not less than 3,000 words, of your Manuscript, excluding any table of contents, foreword, and acknowledgments ("Excerpt"); check
(3) a pitch of your Manuscript consisting of up to 300 words ("Pitch"); and
(4) the personal information required on the entry form.

I've been working on my Pitch. Do you mind reading it and offering up your thoughts. Be tough because this is the only thing the judges look at to move you to round two.

1. Does it pique your interest? 
2. Should I drop the first paragraph and/or the last paragraph?
3. Do I need to give more or less information?

I can use up to 300 words and this is currently only 237 so there is wiggle room.

The planet Sendek has a rich magical heritage. Unfortunately, the people forgot it when they embraced scientific thought. After thousands of years, they no longer believe in dragons, mages, or the two-legged hybrid they created. These Draguman are returning from exile stronger than ever with only one thought on their minds. Wipe out the humans on Sendek and claim it for their own.

Talia Shannon has kept her dreams of invasion a secret, but she knows they will soon come true. Caught between her job at the Space Exploration Foundation and her magical nature, she struggles to warn her people without revealing her source of information. This task leaves no time for personal relationships, but Landry Sutton isn’t looking for a friend.

As nephew to the King, Landry protects his family from a radical group determined to depose the monarchy. He thinks Talia works for them until a touch sizzles between them, and they discover they can communicate telepathically. It turns out Landry has magical secrets of his own.

As a direct descendant of the mage who created the Draguman, Talia is the key to their destruction—if she can learn to trust the magic coursing through her veins.

The arrival of the invading force makes one thing desperately clear—science cannot save them, and magic is now their only hope.

SENDEK: THE MAGIC WAKES is the stand alone first novel in the science fantasy SENDEK SAGA.